tiring :(

i dont know what it is. sekejap rasa okay, sekejap rasa down. biasalah tu kan? but seriously im sick of it, and tired of it. it is the same old thing over and over repeating it self. im beginning to think that no matter how many chances i am given or i give myself, i am unable to change, i am unable to improve myself. bertakung je longkang, nyamuk pon membiak, and it is sucking all my blood out dry, and im dehydrated and tired and im feeling sick inside.

one would think, being an 'adult' you'd outgrow this kind of feeling and emotion, something what teenagers would feel, all the hormones raging, and just starting to have a taste of life. i really dont know what it is, whats wrong with me. i cant even do the simplest of tasks. as easy as answering the phone, replying an sms, paying the bills, pon tak boleh. im so stressed out. trying my best to complete my assignment. but the more i want to do it, and get it done, the more it stresses me out, padehal benda yang sangatlah simple.

i really dont understand what is wrong with me. i have sought professional help once, but that was to get a leave from studies because i was really stressed at that time. hmm, this is really affecting my life. i want to be a good daughter, a good wife, a good somebody. i keep on saying i want to change, i try, but i have trouble being consistent, when im on the right track, sekejap je tergelincir balik, back to my same old bad attitude. this is so tiring.

i just dont know what to do with myself anymore :( can someone help me ?